went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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