Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
