Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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