I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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