the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
