I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
