and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
