Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
