I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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