i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
