I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
