OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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