Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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