Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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