btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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