does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have demons in me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
