i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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