It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My vagina is very pro this idea
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
