just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
