I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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