id be glad to
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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