In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
