Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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