Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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