I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Shame is for Republicans.
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