I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
