waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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