Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
