Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Who died my cat blue again?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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