I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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