peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
