I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
