I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
