AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
