Don't you send me to vm
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
