Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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