I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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