i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
