I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I forget how to act sober
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
