I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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