Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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