loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
