dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
