Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
