She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
