you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
tell me about the fingering
Randomize