K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
