I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
