found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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