He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
