I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
