i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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