Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
