i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
