It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
