now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
