I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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