apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Acid is not a monday night drug
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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