My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
