Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
