hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
