R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
