remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
