just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
