ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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