I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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