every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
